Thursday, October 14, 2004


Unusual substance found on U of A football team's skin

Dateline Tucson, AZ......

A unusual substance has turned up on the skin of U of A football team. The greasy substance has the consistency, sheen, and properties of a slippery oil. Scientists at the U of A have confirmed the findings, and have a suspicion that extra Crisco or other type cooking oil is being added to their meals. This would account for the numerous fumbles in the red zone, leading to U of A's constant loses.

Witnesses have reported seeing an man, 6 feet tall (6'6" counting two protruding pointy objects from his scull) leaving the team kitchen on a weekly basis. He is reddish in color, possibly native American. Police are saying this man is an investigative lead, not a suspect at this time.

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